Normality

Not a lot is happening. Work is going fine. Three days a week now. Still cleaning, cooking and ironing my way out of boredom for the other two days. Everything appears to be getting back to normality. And that's becoming a bit of a problem.

Now this is going to sound stunningly perverse, but I'm starting to miss the drama of the last seven months. If you'd have asked me back in February if I'd have liked a brain tumor I would of course said 'no,' but in a weird way, and now I'm not in any immediate danger, I do miss being miss being centre of attention. As I write this I realise how ridiculous it sounds, but imagine every time you spoke to someone the first subject of conversation is about you. It's a massive ego boost.

I'm convinced we're all secret ego-maniacs. Selfish and self centred. It's just some of us are better at hiding it than others. Just look at Facebook and Twitter. How arrogant is it to assume that we need to know what you're doing at any one time. (He says writing a blog.) Yet millions of us do it and millions read them. Be honest. When was the last time you posted something witty or interesting and you sat waiting for a response. And when you don't get a response after ten minutes you're disappointed. Or is it just me? Rest assured I'll be waiting for a response to this blog, so if you could at acknowledge it's existence that would be great. Begging for recognition. Pathetic.

Obviously I don't want to have the cancer back. I fear it wouldn't have the same impact the second time around, and it could kill me, which would defeat the object. So I need something else. There's my job, which is something of an ego boost. Speaking to literally tens of people every hour, telling them what's going on in the 'Oak FM area.' But that's the problem. I'm not talking about me. So what then?

I've already said I'm not, faced with the very clear signpost of my own mortality, going to do parachute jump, or climb a big mountain, or run a marathon. That would require some kind of effort and/or bravery. But I don't want to slip back into normality either. So I guess I need something that requires very little effort and no nerve. But makes me important, the centre of attention and gives me buckets of standing-out-from-the-crowdness.

Any ideas?

J